Friday, August 27, 2010
i believe in the power
I got to see a few people's reactions to the show and the documentary trailer today. Happy birthday to me. Blessed be.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
words and flickering images...
I received a package in the mail today! It held two gifts, wrapped in blue and gold, with sweet notes attached. I got a DVD series that not only is a nearly-forgotten favorite, but also reminded me how well some of my old friends know me, and a beautiful new book that had me hooked from the first few lines. The passage I present copied here reminded me so much of finding and reading Gormenghast for the first time, and that alone was a lovely gift.
Thank you for making today extra special, D.
Some days
(handwritten post from 08/25)
Even though some days you have to work harder than you think you're able, it's a gift to be able to give all of yourself to something you love. Today was a long day, up at 5:30 to drive to FedEx in Mills River to pick up prints, then made it to the gallery just in time to meet Dale. Worked all morning and a good bit of the afternoon hanging the show, then came home hoping to rest before heading off to final edits/prints on the documentary trailer, but work was waiting for me there too, so no rest. Then at 5:00, off to Andy's. We did a little sound recording on top of the final edit work, and I didn't get out of there until almost 10pm. The work itself is a gift, having the opportunity is a gift, a huge one - I felt so incredibly special when I saw all those photos hanging on that gallery wall and our names in those credits. But I think today's lesson is that I have to remember to take better care of myself sometimes, like we do on our real birthdays. Get good sleep, eat better, let people's love soak in and recharge your soul batteries. That's the only way we can keep up this kind of work - and it's worth it!
Even though some days you have to work harder than you think you're able, it's a gift to be able to give all of yourself to something you love. Today was a long day, up at 5:30 to drive to FedEx in Mills River to pick up prints, then made it to the gallery just in time to meet Dale. Worked all morning and a good bit of the afternoon hanging the show, then came home hoping to rest before heading off to final edits/prints on the documentary trailer, but work was waiting for me there too, so no rest. Then at 5:00, off to Andy's. We did a little sound recording on top of the final edit work, and I didn't get out of there until almost 10pm. The work itself is a gift, having the opportunity is a gift, a huge one - I felt so incredibly special when I saw all those photos hanging on that gallery wall and our names in those credits. But I think today's lesson is that I have to remember to take better care of myself sometimes, like we do on our real birthdays. Get good sleep, eat better, let people's love soak in and recharge your soul batteries. That's the only way we can keep up this kind of work - and it's worth it!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Gifts
Like every day, today held many gifts. My latest article was accepted and will come out in time to support the art show. A good friend and I got to play 'art gallery' and hang my installation in the top gallery in our area - a dream come true. It was hard not to jump up and down (ok, impossible. I did a little). I got things worked out to be able to get the prints for the show on time, finally got the old truck out of the yard and accomplished some things that will be necessary to get the documentary trailer there on time. So much goodness, and all of it special, at least to me, but hopefully to others as well.
Chris told me yesterday that the lady at the bank asked him if I was off saving the world, and he told me that he thought I was always saving the world. I think today's gift is powerful belief in myself, in my own magic, in my ability to shape and change the world around me, at least a little. There is so much hard stuff, so much bad in the world, and while you can't ignore it, you also can't let it take away the good. I could do that. I see so much. But I don't want to be unhappy, I don't want to be useless. I want to save the world. I could focus on the pretty obvious fact that that's probably impossible, or I could just keep trying, and believe that I can at least make a difference.
Chris told me yesterday that the lady at the bank asked him if I was off saving the world, and he told me that he thought I was always saving the world. I think today's gift is powerful belief in myself, in my own magic, in my ability to shape and change the world around me, at least a little. There is so much hard stuff, so much bad in the world, and while you can't ignore it, you also can't let it take away the good. I could do that. I see so much. But I don't want to be unhappy, I don't want to be useless. I want to save the world. I could focus on the pretty obvious fact that that's probably impossible, or I could just keep trying, and believe that I can at least make a difference.
"This is true love - you think this happens every day?"
(handwritten post from 08/23)
It seems to me that the biggest magic always comes in the smallest forms - the touch of someone specials' hand on your back as you walk through the door before them, holding your hand in a dark theater, leaning their head against your shoulder, laughing about the things that struck you both as funny, talking about your days and work together, their toes against yours in the night, their arms around you in the morning...
Starlight, the rising sun, growing things, the flight of birds, the change of moon and seasons - so many magical things are pretty much guaranteed. That doesn't make them any less special or beautiful, and they are the daily bread and butter of life, the magic that keeps us going. But something as rare as true love, something that seems almost imaginary, when it touches you, you believe. That's the spell that makes you invincible. The one that makes you believe you can do ANYthing. Love is the candles, the icing AND the cake. And in my case, it's the latte too.
<3
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Harvey Dent
Birthdays can be like other emotional holidays, like Valentine's Day and Christmas. Things that might be sad or dark can seem so much sadder on these days...
No one can ever guarantee a truly bright day, on any day of the year, and the significance that we attach to these holidays makes every incident so important - there is no hope of forgetting a tragedy that falls on one of these days. My youngest brother's birthday is September 11. My heart has ached for him since that fateful, awful day, because I know that to him and others his birthday will now always fall second (and that's a BIG second) to the historical, tragic memory of that day. When we talked about it, I asked him to always try to remember that his birthday (and all the others on that day) give people a reason to be HAPPY and celebrate something good on that day. Maybe today's other lesson is to not let the bad eclipse the good. If we do that, then all is lost.
No one can ever guarantee a truly bright day, on any day of the year, and the significance that we attach to these holidays makes every incident so important - there is no hope of forgetting a tragedy that falls on one of these days. My youngest brother's birthday is September 11. My heart has ached for him since that fateful, awful day, because I know that to him and others his birthday will now always fall second (and that's a BIG second) to the historical, tragic memory of that day. When we talked about it, I asked him to always try to remember that his birthday (and all the others on that day) give people a reason to be HAPPY and celebrate something good on that day. Maybe today's other lesson is to not let the bad eclipse the good. If we do that, then all is lost.
Sunday, Sunday...
This morning started off rough - dreams that woke me and left me feeling lost. Nothing I couldn't power through though. I did a little more housework, fresh sheets, took a nice long shower and put some bread on to bake. I have decided that all those things are good prescriptions for feeling better. I have some other work to do, so I made myself some cheese toast (my home-made from-scratch bread is even better than the Schar mix bread, if I do say so myself) and used the last of my precious Branston Pickle. That's today's lesson I think. Don't save the good stuff for later. Have it now. Enjoy it now.
Chris comes home this afternoon. We're planning a fun night in Asheville, so I probably won't have time for another post today. But I think that's what I am going to ponder today. Not saving the best things for later. Enjoying the now.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
today
I got caught up on my housework, and napped a good while. Made a favorite, simple comfort dinner, watched a good kids' movie and then had my macaroon and some chocolate milk for dessert. After dinner, I sat down to write and got a sweet call from Chris, just saying hi and planning for tomorrow (and reminded him to call Ott for his day too :) and now here I am. Again, counting my blessings.
Today made me think about the fact that some birthdays, you still have to clean the litter box. Or you might have a cold - or worse. But there's STILL so much to celebrate. Rain. A good nap. Special memories and the thought of making more. The only reason birthdays are really special is because of how you/we look at them. Today I didn't see another soul, except when I went to the bank this morning. The only person I spoke to was Chris. The only hug I got was from George (our big boy cat. But lemme tell you, he has become a first-class skwoocher. Like a big purring teddy bear. Noosh.) but I still felt special. Like things are meant to be celebrated, even if it's in a very small, quiet way. All of them.
yesterday
was lovely. Slept in a little, checked the mail (who's not excited about the mail on their birthday?!) and found a card from Aunt Cathy and Uncle Jimmy that made me laugh out loud, and a sweet donation with specific instructions that I do something fun with it. That made me feel like a kid, in such a good way. Birthday money always spends joyfully, and makes you think of the giver when you're treating yourself. (I'm proud to say I also put some of it in my savings. :)
Around 10 I went and had breakfast with Angie at my favorite local diner. Ward's in Saluda. It has just recently been restored and reopened and is being run again by the same family that has owned it since it was new. I had one of my most memorable kisses in the general store next door, in the middle of a snowstorm. The last owner was a dear friend (and not the kisser ;)and when he passed away, we all thought the old feeling of the place would be lost forever. There is certainly a Charlie-shaped hole there, but everyone's joy over it being reopened and having the same cooks, waitresses and regulars goes a long way toward reviving the spirit with which he imbued the place.
After breakfast, I picked up a few groceries and got back just in time to meet with my "mom-outlaw", as I call her. She took her lunch break to come see me and showed up looking pretty and sweet (and wearing a particularly dazzling pair of earrings i made for her :) and carrying a big red bag. She knows I love red and what else I love too... the bag was full of queenly goodies, a lot of little luxuries that I would absolutely choose for myself if I were totally splurging. A bottle of good sake, bag of Lindt dark chocolate*, a nice round of goat cheese and a pack of yummy sesame crackers (all the goodies gluten free. <3), a tin of ginger mints and a pretty little embroidered red-satin coin purse (just the right size for my burts' bees red lipstick, license and keys!) with a gift certificate to our favorite local sushi place. It feels so good to be so thought of and feel so cared for. The things, the gifts themselves are nice, true luxury items, but that feeling is the real treasure. Knowing that people see you and know you and want you to feel loved and honored. It's funny, all the ways that we show each other these things. Maybe that's one of the important functions of celebrating birthdays... After Peggy left, I putzed around the house a little, picking up, etc. Checked in with my peeps, worked out the plans for the evening. Went out to the river for a bit and watched (and counted - 7) crows playing in the backyard. Around teatime, I headed up the mountain and stopped in at the Heartwood Gallery for a Traci and Art fix. I looked at pretty much every item in the gallery, oohed and aahed and storytold with Traci and Olivia for a bit, and then continued on my way. Met Kendall at the parking lot, like magic we arrived at the same moment (this after coming around a stalled bus and running - almost literally - head first into my Hamilton, who was on his way to Montford to dress and warm up for the show!). Kendall and I trekked up and down downtown gathering picnic goodies (Lissy I finally used that last of your awesome Rosetta's gift certif! *mwah!*) and then met Jen and Sprout at the chocolate lounge for our pre-picnic dessert! Not only did I get a great frappucino and a bigfat coconut macaroon for later (they put a little candle in the box!!!), they gave me my canela picante truffle free as a birthday treat!
After the lounge we carpooled to Montford Park, found rock-star parking and seating and spread out our blankies. Lissy called while we were settling in, that was a nice treat too. The weather couldn't have been better. Surprisingly cool and clear, with even a little snap in the air. Starlings were crossing the sky, and here, 5 crows doing a little aerial show. We laid out our feast (I'd even brought 2 ice cold gf beers - woohoo!) and watched the evening and the drama unfold. Troilus and Cressida, the 3 quarter moon, moths dancing in spotlight with the tiny bats winging after, it was truly lovely. Traci's gift of VERY special wearable art (extremely finely made, complex, stunning silver and crystal earrings from the Heartwood Gallery made by NOLA artist Dominique Giordano, my long-time favorite!) was MUCH admired and appreciated. Then, YAY! Chris called just during intermission - perfect, so I walked and talked with him while the moon and stars rose. Sprout came up and got to say hi, but she had to hurry off, because the sword-fighting - her favorite - had begun. I told Chris goodnight and then hurried down to meet her. She waited and then we crept right to the front row. We wanted to be close for the action. While we sat and watched the war-torn, star-crossed love story unwind, I whispered to her what was going on. She is almost 7, but completely understood that Troilus loved Cressida and it hurt him to see her with Diamedes. She whispered to me about her own heartbreak over a boy from last year and told me that it still made her sad. I held her close. We were both happy when the fighting began again. I was proud of her for getting the story, knowing that Pandarus was the narrator (she knew the word!) and for being able to compare the art to her own life.
When the show was over, Hamilton came out and greeted us, and then we milled around with the other actors and crew a bit, sharing our compliments and accepting some too. When we got back to the top of the park, the other girls had packed us up. We said goodbye to Traci there, Jen drove us back to our cars, and OF COURSE Kendy convinced me to stay-ay-ay just a little bit longer. Our friends Josh & Stacey and a few other good folks we know were at an Irish Pub just around the corner. I had time on my meter still, and it's VERY hard to resist Kendall, so I went along for the company. Josh came out and paid my cover. I sat with them for another hour or so, catching up and laughing my butt off, sipping a coke, and then I slipped off and drove home under the midnight moon.
- To be continued...
*Since I was a kid, I would occasionally save money from babysitting or other work, once a month or so, and treat myself to tiny but ridiculously decadent splurges, things no one else I knew would ever want or even seemed to know about. I'd turn 5 hoarded dollars into: small packets of Twinings, a Godiva truffle, a mini loaf of good bread, a tiny jar of some exotic jam, a few slivers of lean beef and good cheese, and then I would wait until I was alone and make myself a little high tea, listen to music or read something special and dine in hidden splendor...
Around 10 I went and had breakfast with Angie at my favorite local diner. Ward's in Saluda. It has just recently been restored and reopened and is being run again by the same family that has owned it since it was new. I had one of my most memorable kisses in the general store next door, in the middle of a snowstorm. The last owner was a dear friend (and not the kisser ;)and when he passed away, we all thought the old feeling of the place would be lost forever. There is certainly a Charlie-shaped hole there, but everyone's joy over it being reopened and having the same cooks, waitresses and regulars goes a long way toward reviving the spirit with which he imbued the place.
After breakfast, I picked up a few groceries and got back just in time to meet with my "mom-outlaw", as I call her. She took her lunch break to come see me and showed up looking pretty and sweet (and wearing a particularly dazzling pair of earrings i made for her :) and carrying a big red bag. She knows I love red and what else I love too... the bag was full of queenly goodies, a lot of little luxuries that I would absolutely choose for myself if I were totally splurging. A bottle of good sake, bag of Lindt dark chocolate*, a nice round of goat cheese and a pack of yummy sesame crackers (all the goodies gluten free. <3), a tin of ginger mints and a pretty little embroidered red-satin coin purse (just the right size for my burts' bees red lipstick, license and keys!) with a gift certificate to our favorite local sushi place. It feels so good to be so thought of and feel so cared for. The things, the gifts themselves are nice, true luxury items, but that feeling is the real treasure. Knowing that people see you and know you and want you to feel loved and honored. It's funny, all the ways that we show each other these things. Maybe that's one of the important functions of celebrating birthdays... After Peggy left, I putzed around the house a little, picking up, etc. Checked in with my peeps, worked out the plans for the evening. Went out to the river for a bit and watched (and counted - 7) crows playing in the backyard. Around teatime, I headed up the mountain and stopped in at the Heartwood Gallery for a Traci and Art fix. I looked at pretty much every item in the gallery, oohed and aahed and storytold with Traci and Olivia for a bit, and then continued on my way. Met Kendall at the parking lot, like magic we arrived at the same moment (this after coming around a stalled bus and running - almost literally - head first into my Hamilton, who was on his way to Montford to dress and warm up for the show!). Kendall and I trekked up and down downtown gathering picnic goodies (Lissy I finally used that last of your awesome Rosetta's gift certif! *mwah!*) and then met Jen and Sprout at the chocolate lounge for our pre-picnic dessert! Not only did I get a great frappucino and a bigfat coconut macaroon for later (they put a little candle in the box!!!), they gave me my canela picante truffle free as a birthday treat!
After the lounge we carpooled to Montford Park, found rock-star parking and seating and spread out our blankies. Lissy called while we were settling in, that was a nice treat too. The weather couldn't have been better. Surprisingly cool and clear, with even a little snap in the air. Starlings were crossing the sky, and here, 5 crows doing a little aerial show. We laid out our feast (I'd even brought 2 ice cold gf beers - woohoo!) and watched the evening and the drama unfold. Troilus and Cressida, the 3 quarter moon, moths dancing in spotlight with the tiny bats winging after, it was truly lovely. Traci's gift of VERY special wearable art (extremely finely made, complex, stunning silver and crystal earrings from the Heartwood Gallery made by NOLA artist Dominique Giordano, my long-time favorite!) was MUCH admired and appreciated. Then, YAY! Chris called just during intermission - perfect, so I walked and talked with him while the moon and stars rose. Sprout came up and got to say hi, but she had to hurry off, because the sword-fighting - her favorite - had begun. I told Chris goodnight and then hurried down to meet her. She waited and then we crept right to the front row. We wanted to be close for the action. While we sat and watched the war-torn, star-crossed love story unwind, I whispered to her what was going on. She is almost 7, but completely understood that Troilus loved Cressida and it hurt him to see her with Diamedes. She whispered to me about her own heartbreak over a boy from last year and told me that it still made her sad. I held her close. We were both happy when the fighting began again. I was proud of her for getting the story, knowing that Pandarus was the narrator (she knew the word!) and for being able to compare the art to her own life.
When the show was over, Hamilton came out and greeted us, and then we milled around with the other actors and crew a bit, sharing our compliments and accepting some too. When we got back to the top of the park, the other girls had packed us up. We said goodbye to Traci there, Jen drove us back to our cars, and OF COURSE Kendy convinced me to stay-ay-ay just a little bit longer. Our friends Josh & Stacey and a few other good folks we know were at an Irish Pub just around the corner. I had time on my meter still, and it's VERY hard to resist Kendall, so I went along for the company. Josh came out and paid my cover. I sat with them for another hour or so, catching up and laughing my butt off, sipping a coke, and then I slipped off and drove home under the midnight moon.
- To be continued...
*Since I was a kid, I would occasionally save money from babysitting or other work, once a month or so, and treat myself to tiny but ridiculously decadent splurges, things no one else I knew would ever want or even seemed to know about. I'd turn 5 hoarded dollars into: small packets of Twinings, a Godiva truffle, a mini loaf of good bread, a tiny jar of some exotic jam, a few slivers of lean beef and good cheese, and then I would wait until I was alone and make myself a little high tea, listen to music or read something special and dine in hidden splendor...
Friday, August 20, 2010
In the beginning...
Today (well tonight at 10:00 pm, US Central Time Zone) is my 42nd birthday, and I have decided to make an experiment of it. As a child, my life was changed by Douglas Adams' 'Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy'. Since then, 42 has been a special number to me, and as I've grown older, I've come to look forward to the excitement of my 42nd year. In honor of that, I have decided to celebrate my birthday every day, in some way, for the next year and see if I come any closer to understanding the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything in the process! Even if it just means thinking of every breakfast for the next year as a special birthday breakfast, or thinking of everything as a gift, I want to apply the specialness of it to my conscious daily life and see what kind of difference that makes in my way of seeing my life, myself, and the world around me.
Here's a link to part 1 of the BBC radio play on YouTube. :)
Here's a link to part 1 of the BBC radio play on YouTube. :)
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